A Night on the Town

Bangkok’s nightlife needs no introduction.
Inadmissible evidence?
Many years ago American singer Connie Francis made the hit record Lipstick On Your Collar, a song which went on to relate in most poetic terms how a wife or girlfriend discovers in true Sherlock Holmes fashion that the man in her life has found an alternative source of entertainment to home cooking. In Bangkok the unfortunate husband who has been “unavoidably detained at the office” faces a similar problem, but it is often exhibited in a slightly more bizarre fashion.
An acquaintance returned home late after some rather interesting extra-curricular activities and explained to his beloved that he had simply been to a respectable restaurant on Sukhumvit discussing business. Having heard this tale before, the lady in question didn’t bother to look at his collar or attempt to sniff out any trace of perfume. Instead she marched out of the door and inspected his car. One glance at the vehicle and she knew her man had been no nearer Sukhumvit Road than a Peking Duck has been to China. She returned uttering what turned out to be a most appropriate four letter word, for the car was covered in bird droppings. Suspicious wives know there’s only one part of town where a parked car can pick up such unwelcome decorations … Patpong and its environs.
Why these birds fly all the way from Siberia to Bangkok every year is anybody’s guess. Rumour has it that they find a constant barrage of Boney M. and Kylie Minogue music acts as a very efficient laxative, as any person who has parked his car in that area will confirm judging from the souvenirs the birds splatter over bonnet, roof and boot. Anyway, you can’t blame them for wanting to spend the winter in Bangkok. It certainly beats their home in Nobskyfreezitov or wherever they come from.