What’s Off?

It is hardly a secret that in certain establishments girls can
be taken out providing the customers pay a fee to the bar for the privilege. This is generally known as a bar fine, but the girls themselves refer to it as the “Off” charge. A newly-arrived visitor might find the “Off” charge somewhat confusing:
Tourist: OK, let’s go.
Girl: First you pay Off.
Tourist: Who’s Off?
Girl: (Pointing to aging cashier picking her nose) You pay
her. Off.
Tourist: But I don’t want to go with her. I want to go with you.
Girl: You have to pay Off.
Tourist: (Sensing that perhaps it is not going to be his night)
But I don’t want Off, I want you, Id.
Girl: Od.
Tourist: What’s odd?
Girl: I’m Od.
Tourist: Who says you’re odd? I’ll smash their lace in.
Girl: I’m Od. That’s my name. You called me Id.
Tourist: Sony, Ood, I get confused with all these Thai
names. Now where were we, Od?
Girl: Off.
Tourist: But I thought you said you were Od?
Girl: I am. Now you pay Off.
Tourist: I thought we’d been through all this before. I’m not
paying Off. She’s not very attractive and I suspect she’s rather
dim.
Girl: Who’s Dtim?
Tourist: (whispering conspiratorially) I think Off is a bit dim,
but I expect she looked alright about 40 years ago.
Girl: So you want to take Dtim?
Tourist: No, I want to take Off. No. that’s not right. I don’t
want Off, I want On er Ad, Eed whatever your name is.
Girl: So you forget me already, Jim? OK, you find someone
else. I don’t care.
Tourist: John.
Girl: (Pointing down the bar) It’s out the back, turn right. And
hold your nose.
Tourist: No, my name is John. You called me Jim.

Girl: OK, Jim. You pay Off.
(Tourist emits hysterical laugh before collapsing in drunken
heap.)